Mom guilt is real and I did feel guilty or even now sometimes feel in that sense just like many of you.
Simply putting, mom guilt is a feeling of not doing enough, not doing correct or not being that “perfect mom”.
When I came to Singapore with hubby, my daughter was less than one year old. We had gone through a lot as parents of a micro-preemie. I had left behind a successful career when we decided to move to Singapore.
With Memories of troubled NICU days and no job on hand, I donned a role of the homemaker in Singapore. Eeshaa was growing up though there were a lot of hiccups. New country, new weather, no family support and unstable health of a preemie - everything was confusing and I was quite a mess that time.
Doing house work, cooking, taking care of a baby all became okay slowly and the routine was set. But there was some kind of hollowness that was bothering me. Ah, I was missing being an office going mom. I loved to utilize my IT knowledge, my education in some or the other way while earning my bread and butter. I was always a go-getter in that aspect.
In a new course of things, I wasn’t happy the way I expected me to be. Before it affected my interactions with my loved ones, I decided to take the plunge and started looking for jobs actively. By God’s grace, the opportunity knocked and that put in one of the biggest dilemma - Am I doing correct by going back to work??
A very young child with a history of NICU, no idea about how things work in Singapore, whether we can rely on a helper and leave the child in her care for the entire day? What if something goes wrong and Eeshaa’s apnea of prematurity resurfaces in our absence?
Most importantly, is it worth to resume work when you have so many worries at the back of your mind? Phew! It was such a difficult decision but thankfully with husband’s support and with a certain amount of conviction in my mind I just took the leap of faith. I must mention that I was feeling guilty, selfish as well and was quite unsure.
After resuming work, it was not / is not exactly hunky dory because there are still lot of adjustments that mom who goes to office has to do. Even if everything can be planned, there will uncertainties, emergencies. There will be that struggle to prioritize and those multiple tabs open in the brain all the time.
After all these years of juggling, I can say that it’s POSSIBLE to be Mom and More. Motherhood should be able to give you wings to fly rather than clipping them. Yes, there will mom guilt but once you acknowledge and address it, things become clearer and easier. Talk to your partner, seek help from family members, manage office in such a way that you give justice to home and work equally. It’s like walking on the tight rope but believe me it’s worth it!