The Fire Inside Me is Brighter

The Fire Inside Me is Brighter

As everyone knows I have ended my confinement, but nobody really knows what has happened 1 month ago, on this date when my nanny simply abandoned 👶🏻 & myself & left just like that w/o finishing her 28 days contract with us.. even till now it remains as a nightmare to my lil family, especially me... 😰

How I knew her? Through fb & she was the one whom recommended nannies for my 2 previous 🤰🏻. Back then, she’s really a friendly & nice lady whom I can ask anything. 😍👍🏻
However, things started to change..

Due to COVID-19, mummies should know that the rules & regulations are different now. There’s processing work to do which is super troublesome, hence initially I did not intend to hire any. Moreover the fees is high, totally not worth it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

There came this day when she called my mum several times begging her to ask me to hire her over because she did not want to stay in 🇲🇾 & wanted to come to 🇸🇬 to work. However, my mum told her that I couldn’t afford to due to 💰 situation. Since we knew each other for 5 years, she told my mum that all I need was to pay for all the documentation, ✈️, insurance, SHN & 2 ang baos, rates wise would be depending on her performance. After discussing with my hubb, we agreed considering the fact that this would be my last time to regain my health back.

The night before when she came over to my 🏡, she was 😡 upon knowing that she would be sharing the room with 👶🏻 & myself. Understood her concern of having 0 privacy, unfortunately my breasts were damn engorged at that time & I would need her help in moving around. Plus I’m totally fine with her playing📱 etc. Since it’s her free time. Oh yes, forgot to mention I’m c-sect!

On the 20th, I received news that my confinement nanny had been complaining inside the nannies gc about her life at my place as if it’s like a jail where she didn’t had the time to rest at all when actual fact she kept using 📱 when she could 😴. She said she would tolerate all the nonsense here 1st & post on fb later for all to see how she suffered serving someone whom had depression. Seriously?! 🤨 Of course I’m 😡 for being accused at when all of us treated her sooo well. Even my helper whom was not obliged to do her work, assist w/o complaining at all. My mistake, I was too impulsive to confront her. My actual intention was to make things small, to check on her unhappiness & to talk things out since we were all adults instead of taking it out on social media, but never did I knew she would use this excuse to leave immediately as if she’s guilty? 🙄 no matter how my hubb, helper & myself persuaded her to stay for that last week, she declined demanding us to book a 🚖 straightaway pushing the rest of the work to my helper to feed & 🚿 baby, else she would complain to MOM that we kidnap her, scam her etc. 🙄 my parents & aunt came over to persuade her too, yet everyone only got scolding & threatening from her that if anybody was to stop her from leaving again, she would call her god son to make problem for us & we Singaporeans could never win Malaysians one. She laughed at me for being naïve & stupid enough to land myself in this poor state.

Yesss I 😭 badly that night when she left because everything happened too fast for me to respond. My 👀 became swollen like a 🐼, & I started blaming myself for causing inconvenience to everyone. 😔 It’s a big comfort when my family & friends were there to encourage me to move on...

The next day she called to ask me for her Ang bao & the balance of her salary which I’m reluctant to give because she did not complete her job at all. Moreover I did not asked her to leave, she chose to leave. In the end, she shared with her friends how unfair I as the employer treated her & her friend had brought her to MOM to sue me. 😅 By end of this month, she would settle all the debts with me once & for all. 😳

After hearing my explanation, she’s 👌🏻 with it. Never did I knew that she kept this matter in her heart even till the day she left. 👏🏻 Power!

A week later, she started to question about her salary demanding that I should pay her 3.5k which was her actual market rate, but considering my situation she offered 3.2k & should I not agree, she would leave immediately. My mum had a small argument with her over this issue because she denied everything she had said before & yea we did not have any b/w evidence to prove since the whole conversation was only verbal. After negotiating, I managed to get the balance price of deducting the expenses to pay at the end of her work. Do note that regardless how unwilling I am, I got to abide since it’s difficult to find a last minute replacement in this pandemic & my health was at stake! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ever since then, she would wake me up every 2 hours in the night that 👶🏻 wanted 🥛 on purpose to see how strong is my perseverance in sharing room with her. I was worried that he would be overfed, so on the 3rd week she suggested to buy a pacifier for him, hinting to me that she couldn’t take it anymore. Tbh I did not wanted to & had seek for advice from my mummies group if it’s suitable to use a pacifier that small which some did, despite not willing to but ain’t had a choice again for fear she would leave so we listened to her. 😰 Thank god he didn’t want to, but she’s smart enough to find her way out by making him 😴 like a 🐢 position. During the day, I’m fine but there’s 1 night she slept like a 🐷 till he almost suffocate with his head facing down the mattress. Luckily I’m a light sleeper & woke up hearing the breathing noise, else I couldn’t imagine what would happen next! 😱

Yasss I will not be pushed around by the fears in my mind anymore! I survived today because the 🔥 inside me burned brighter than what she had surrounded me with. I have given in to her wayyy tooo much that’s why I got bullied. It’s not about being fearless, it’s about acting in spite of fear. 💪🏻 Be brave 🍎!

- Apple (@appleohhh)